Uncles Korg + one likkle speaker + USB Mic + cardboard corner (with no foam) that ripped up moms wall (lix!) + 4 year old brick laptop with broken screen and fall-off keys so i had to press the fricken circuit board! + old monitor i was blessed to find + leggboot Reason = my home studio!
Aunty Esla: Don't sell yourself short; you deserve so much.
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when i first started trying a ting with production last year November, my stuff sounded like adult contemporary jazz lol. ask Xwell. after i found him in April to help me smooth some things out + started to uh... politic in the sky, i started making some tracks i'm really proud. looking back, i realize that sometime in late august i started to change; i stopped producing and the direction of my writing was different. the concept i had regarding how to market myself was also changing. i know now part of it was due to impatience.
after having a really good, freeing conversation this morning with Whizkid aka The Violinist aka my live music hook up and founding member of the band Sound Energy Flux, i remembered the feeling of how a man's words are able to comfort us as women. i hope men undestand how easy it is for women to get attached to the ideas they propose and direction they lead us in as we're more emotional beings. this is why it's so important for fathers to be present and active in their daughters lives to establish what loving direction looks like and leads to. lack of that presence seems to lead us to be falla fashion or aggressively independent, and neither is balance.
what i've learned after two ex-boyfriends and one male production partner in is that as women, we must be very aware of the direction the men we choose associate with are headed in. love may be blind but we can't use our emotions as a cane lol. if dudes wanna go to war in music? cool. though i do face feelings of aggression everyday and i do enjoy serving dudes their food in some rudegyal lyrics (can't lie), the real, real me would much rather serve them real food lol.
in terms of hiphop... it seems like some dudes like to hear females go off and get dutty stinkin rude aggressive with it on the mic... and others look at you like if it's 1500 B.C.E. and you shouldn't even be speaking lol. personally, i don't want to do that anymore because even if i've conquered that temporary feeling by writing about it/recording it, the fact that its seed was aggression means that when it's sent out into the world, the fruits gonna be ________.
as i told Xwell today, i think it's more efficient (karma-wise) to just scream into a can and bury it lol. no more punching either (only for fun?!). one day i hope to learn how to master just being silent and watching my anger like if it's some eeediat hater coming to tease me.
until then... muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusic.
Xwell's spot he would send me music from + fix up my production ideas. it was crazy finally going to a professional studio! thankful.
